If you read my post last week, then you can probably tell that I have been thinking a lot about how to best manage my time and to find ways to prioritize the important things of life. With my time budget and journal I’ve been keeping, I feel really good about the steps I’m taking to fit in the important things by defining where I want to spend my time. The challenge now that I’ve set these time boundaries is to uphold them.
Some completely depend on me. For example, my alarm clock is now set to wake me up at 6:00 a.m. so I can use the early morning hours for time with my family and with God instead of around 8:30 a.m. (which gives me *just* enough time to get to church on time for work). However, every time the alarm has gone off this week, I am EXHAUSTED!! It is 100% my choice to either deny my desire for comfort and get up on time, or to sleep in (not gonna lie, most mornings this week my flesh has won the battle…). My heart is set on getting up early (my spirit is willing!) but my body in no way wants to comply (my flesh is weak!). However, at the moment I face that choice, the only person I’m fighting is myself.
Other challenges to my boundaries include others’ demands on my time, and these are the ones I find so hard to withstand. Mostly because “NO” has been a bad word to me ever since I can remember! I don’t like being told NO, and I don’t like telling others NO. It just feels mean. It’s completely necessary (like when your child asks to eat 10 giant pixie stix in one sitting) but it never wins you any friends, that’s for sure.
But saying NO is necessary, to myself and to others, to ensure that my boundaries are being upheld. And then I got to thinking that Jesus 100% set boundaries for Himself. As I was searching for evidence of that, I came across this blog post by Bill Gaultiere from soulshepherding.org that I am going to refer to many times in the event that I am tempted to diverge from the boundaries I have been setting for myself. You can read the entire post here, but I am going to break it up over the next several weeks. I pray this blog gives you (and me!) wisdom to uphold some standards and boundaries in your life.
Jesus Set Boundaries: Part 1 (By Bill Gaultiere)
We talk with pastors, leaders, counselors, parents and other care-givers who are struggling to be “cheerful givers” (2 Corinthians 9:7). In their helping of others they’ve become tired, stressed, or burned out. Problems with setting boundaries are a main reason why many pastors and leaders experience overwhelming ministry stress and eventually burnout.
Most people are surprised when I show them from the Bible examples of Jesus setting boundaries and practicing personal soul care. It’s no wonder we overdo in ministry, get worn out, and even burnout! Jesus had far more stress, far more pressure, and far more responsibility than any of us and yet he remained relaxed, joyful, and generous with people. He models and mediates for us living in God’s rhythms of grace.
Before we consider the Scriptures on Jesus’ way of life let’s make sure that we understand what our boundaries are and their importance to us and our relationship with the Lord.
Why Setting Boundaries is Important
Personal boundaries are what define your identity. They’re like the property lines around a home. This is my property and that is not my property. This is me — what I value, am good at, believe, need, or feel — and that is not me.
To know yourself and be secure that you are loved is essential to all relationships and activities. The better your boundaries of self-awareness and self-definition are the greater your capacity to offer empathy and love to others. Good boundaries help you to care for others because you have a stable foundation to operate from and are not distracted or depleted by personal insecurities or blind spots. (That’s why it’s not “selfish” or unloving to have boundaries and “take care of yourself.”)
As I share in my book Your Best Life In Jesus’ Easy Yoke, It’s especially important for pastors, ministry leaders, and other care-givers to learn to set limits for their own soul care. First of all, because they have needs to be loved and respected as much as anyone else! Secondly, because a ministry leader with weak (poorly defined or insecure) boundaries will eventually become so stressed or emotionally depleted as to be ineffective or inappropriate in helping others. (Boundary problems are why pastors “fall.”)