Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.
1 John 2:9-17
Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.
Proverbs 10-12
I was having a conversation with my youngest daughter recently about the difference between anger and hate. As most siblings do from time to time, she had gotten angry with her sister and told her, “I hate you!!” I know this is something that commonly happens, but I didn’t want to let the opportunity for education pass, even after they had apologized to each other. We had a discussion about how words have so much power, and that once we say harsh things to someone that we could be forgiven, but that the effects of our words often linger on the hearts of the ones we have hurt. We have to be careful with our words.
But additionally, we discussed why she had chosen to say that she HATED her sister. I asked her if she really thought she did hate her. She said yes, and began to cry and describe some actions that had transpired to make her angry. So I told that she was definitely angry, but I didn’t think she hated her. In fact, I don’t think she has it in her at all to hate. I used a burn analogy to help her understand the difference so she could understand and process what she was experiencing. (disclaimer, not a medical professional, don’t fact check me!)
I told her that when we get too much exposure to the sun (frustrations) we can experience a 1st degree sunburn. This is a surface burn. It is red, painful, and lasts a bit. But with some time and salve the effects will eventually go away. After a while, we can forget we were even sunburned when we look at our skin, but I bet the next time you go in the sun you’ll remember the experience and take precautions to guard your skin. This process is how we could describe the effects of the minor frustrations and bursts of anger we experience from day to day. I think this is where most of us live when we experience anger.
A 2nd degree burn is more severe, and results in swelling, blistering, and potential scarring. It is extremely painful, and comes with more long-lasting symptoms. This could describe deep anger moments from some of the deepest issues and betrayals we can face. It takes much longer to heal from, and sometimes there are permanent marks from such a burn. When we let extreme anger burn through us, this is what we could be doing to ourselves, and what we inflict on others with unchecked rage.
Finally, a 3rd degree burn is a burn that destroys the full layers of your skin. The skin is visibly and irrevocably burnt and cannot be regenerated by natural means. Unlike the lesser burns which are quite painful, this highest level of burn is not painful as the nerves were damaged. This burn has completely destroyed the affected area, but it’s also completely numb. This is what hate looks like to me. It destroys a person from the inside out and hardens them completely, but they can’t even tell it’s hurting them.
Perhaps the analogy was more for me than for her, but I was trying to help my daughter understand if she can still feel, she has not crossed into hate. Yes, things can get fiery and passionate with the ones we encounter. She will get angry. But she has love and light in her. She is not walking in darkness, nor does she hate. She has not created a separation between her and her sister. She has not turned a blind eye to her sister. Hate looks like darkness, like numbness and void of feeling, of complete separation from those who are the object of hate. I just think this is a good reminder for all of us, as many people toss these words anger and hate around interchangeably, and we can get buried in shame and misunderstanding when we’re not able to appropriately process our emotions.
In various places in the Bible, it talks about God’s anger burning. God gets angry. And without Jesus Christ we are on the wrong side of wrath. We were separated completely from God, and God does hate what is evil. But one of the mysteries of God is that while we were the objects of wrath and bound for complete separation from Him, He also loved us to the extent that He made a way for us to be reconciled to Him. We did not have to walk in darkness. His love covered the multitude of all our sins. He should have hated us, but He loved us. And it is because we are made like Him, that those who are His have no hate in them. We are children of love and of light. When we let our flesh dominate we’ll get angry and possibly suffer the effects of our angry actions. For those who are in Christ Jesus, hate is not in us. Love is in us.